Beep Beep! Hi, I'm an A-hole.

Driving to Sharon Heights the other morning to Safeway.

Sitting at light next to the Dutch Goose and notice SD and DJ crossing the street.

So EXCITED to see these guys I SHOOT my hand up, full force, through the sunroof to wave at them.



Note to self: Make sure SUNROOF IS OPEN.

Splish splash I was takin' a bath.....

On Sat, Jan 30, 2010 at 2:49 PM, PH wrote:

KC,

KS mentioned you might want to do some remodeling at your house.Here's an idea for a new bath tub. Be careful you might have Jenny coming over every night.

Retort:

JDC replies, thanks for thinking of me Peter. I am prone to falling in the tub with my bad knees, This way...I'll have something to grab hold of... Those slanted silver saftey bars are so 1990's. Move over Grandma. . . .

"Tap on my window, knock on my door, I want to make you feel beautiful" by beautiful, I mean terrified.... CALL 911.....

This Blog should be paired with a duckhorn merlot...or box wine.


It's only fitting.....

I've had a busy couple of days. Tonight I was super tired. Finished laundry, broke into the Black box of wine (stay tuned for my review) and was just keeping up with my normal evening of dishes, ACDC, SKID ROW and USE YOUR ILLUSION albums. When suddenly...

BANG BANG BANG.

Opening door, hoping to find cute boy. Not so much. Enter "RV", one of my all time favorite neighbors down the road equipped with bald head, vino, stories of ex-girlfriend he is still in love with and NO PLACE TO SLEEP.

RV: Bob told me it was recycle night, can you believe this? I took the recycle out and I closed the door and I am locked out.
JC: So?
RV:So I need to sleep here.
Jc: Where is the key you let me borrow to use your printer.
RV: I used it.
RV: I just need a warm couch and a blanket Circle!
JC: Here is a blanket, but I'm not going to bed............
RV: But I am sleeping here.......
Jc: Fine, but I'm an owl, I'm not going to bed for a while.....
RV: What, What is this? I'm going to bed, you go to bed.
RV: And bring me a male sweatshirt, not this thing with the hoodie and close the blinds so your friends don't see a creepy old man over here on your couch.
Jc: We'll at least that makes sense.(As I close my blinds.)
*parades around my house making as much noise as I possibly can........*

RV: Ok, that's it, lets go to my house. How can we get in. Bring tools
RV: Jimmy? Screwdriver...?
Jc: I have a phillips screwdriver and a knife sharpener.
RV: We will NOT need that giant knife sharpener.
Jc: Arrive at University Dr.
RV: Thanks Circle, Anything you want , anything.
Jc: Sweet. White truffle oil, 4 bottles of that cab I love and a lifetime of Pasta Carbonera.
RV: You got it.
Jc: You aren't going to make it over that fence, you should just use the ladd.....
RV: Shut up!!!! I've got it, ouch!! Be quiet, my neighbors might call the cops....
Jc: But you are going to land right on your nad....
RV: Ouuuuuuuuch!!!!
Jc: Do you want that ladde?
RV: Shut Up!!!!!!!
Jc: Hand me the mag light and the phillips
JC: do you want the knife sharpener? meat clever?
RV: Circle, no!!! That is too big
*time passes* lots of noise/ sound of glass breaking........
RV: Ok, Hand me the knife sharpener.... I just can't get my arm in this window.....
Jc: Told you......
JC: want me to come over there and just do it? My arms are skinny....
RV: No, that fence is brutal, you will break your leg.. . . . You can't jump that, I did it because it was my only option and I have done it several times.......
RV: Opening bathroom window with stick...., hey give me that meat cleaver.......
JC: *hands it to him * I thought you said you didn't want it.
RV: Circle, How did you get over the fence?
JC: With the ladder......
RV: What ladder????
JC: in the back of your truck. I tried to tell you about it.....
RV: F-off.
*Hold this chair*
I proceed to lift RV's legs into the small bedroom window. This is when I wish I have had the flip cam.
*He lets me in and attempts to close the bedroom window back up - as someone would actually break in.
RV: How can I repay you?
JC: Well, I would love some of this homemade bisscotti on the bed (he makes bags and bags)
RV: These are my best batches Jenn, how bout some vino.
JC: * while he was talking, trying to close the window, I secretly tossed a few bags into my car* "Sure, Cab it is." I didn't need carbs anyway.

He lets me in. We eat shaved parmesean with reduced balsamic syrup, white truffle oil and kept laughing at the vision of me pushing his bald head through a 2x2 window.

I am so glad I came out for this. He gave me a house key - if this every happens again, he won't be locked out....but I'll have a huge supply of Duckhorn Merlot and white truffle oil.

LOVE YOU RV!!! THANK YOU.

This isn't morbid at all...

I'm pretty sure I will just be screaming bloody murder in my front yard, with all of the Grey Goose I can find. Forget comforting the dead. Greedy, I guess so. Sue me.

Hot & Sour Soup

A lot of you have been asking for my Hot and Sour Soup Recipe. It took me a while to nail this. . . Most of these items are availible at an asian market - it you don't have one close to you they might be at Safeway - and I also include substitutions.
Don't try to double the recipie, it never turns out right.....

Jenny's Hot & Sour Soup.

5 ounces boneless pork loin, cut into 1/4-inch-thick strips (2/3 cup)(at Trader Joe's - you can also use chicken or omit for lowfat)
2 teaspoons dark soy sauce*
4 small Chinese dried black mushrooms* (Shitake's - you can use fresh)
12 small dried tree ear mushrooms* (Also called Cloud ear's - only at asian markets. If you don't have these sub regular buttons or oysters.)
1 1/2 tablespoons cornstarch
12 dried lily buds* (sometimes called golden needles) (only at asian markets- if you can't find them use a half handful of Bean sprouts)
1/2 cup canned sliced bamboo shoots*, cut lengthwise into 1/8-inch-wide strips (from an 8-oz can) (they have these at Safeway)
2 tablespoons red-vinegar )NOT RED WINE
2 tablespoons rice vinegar (not seasoned)
1 tablespoon light soy sauce*
1 1/2 teaspoons sugar
1 teaspoon salt
2 tablespoons peanut oil
4 cups reduced-sodium chicken broth
3 to 4 oz firm tofu (about a quarter of a block), rinsed and drained, then cut into 1/4-inch-thick strips
2 large eggs
2 teaspoons Asian sesame oil*
1 1/2 teaspoons freshly ground white pepper
2 tablespoons thinly sliced scallion greens
2 tablespoons fresh whole cilantro leaves ( I never use these)Many of my friends don't like cilantro.

Sometimes I add 2 shredded carrots. Whatever works.

Toss pork with dark soy sauce in a bowl until pork is well coated.

Soak black and tree ear mushrooms in 3 cups boiling-hot water in another bowl (water should cover mushrooms), turning over black mushrooms occasionally, until softened, about 30 minutes. (Tree ears will expand significantly.) Cut out and discard stems from black mushrooms, then squeeze excess liquid from caps into bowl and thinly slice caps. Remove tree ears from bowl, reserving liquid, and trim off any hard nubs. If large, cut tree ears into bite-size pieces. Stir together 1/4 cup mushroom-soaking liquid (discard remainder) with cornstarch in a small bowl and set aside.

Meanwhile, soak lily buds in about 1 cup warm water until softened, about 20 minutes, then drain. Trim off tough tips of lily buds. Cut lily buds in half crosswise, then tear each half lengthwise into 2 or 3 shreds.

Cover bamboo shoots with cold water by 2 inches in a small saucepan, then bring just to a boil (to remove bitterness) and drain in a sieve.

Stir together vinegars, light soy sauce, sugar, and salt in another small bowl.

Heat a wok over high heat until a bead of water vaporizes within 1 to 2 seconds of contact. Pour peanut oil down side of wok, then swirl oil, tilting wok to coat sides. Add pork and stir-fry until meat just changes color, about 1 minute, then add black mushrooms, tree ears, lily buds, and bamboo shoots and stir-fry 1 minute.

Add broth and bring to a boil, then add tofu. Return to a boil and add vinegar mixture. Stir cornstarch mixture, then add to broth and return to a boil, stirring. (Liquid will thicken.) Reduce heat to moderate and simmer 1 minute.

Beat eggs with a fork and add a few drops of sesame oil. Add eggs to soup in a thin stream, stirring slowly in one direction with a spoon. Stir in white pepper, then drizzle in remaining sesame oil and divide among 6 to 8 bowls. Sprinkle with scallions and cilantro before serving.

How can you say no to this?

First of all. Don't get me wrong - I can't wait to have kids. Although I hate play areas, I'll probably tolorate them to make them happy. Last time I took SB's Charlie to McDonald's, I sat in a chocolate shake and looked like I had horrible accident in my white shorts. I sucked it up when I saw his cute face diving in piles of multi-colored balls.. That was the least of my problems. My problem is that there is not enough PURELL on the planet to save me from an anxiety attack in those germ incubators. The only thing that could possibly be worse is watching my child shoot from an elephant's asshole. No seriously. Thank you Kissie D...

Stay tuned...

KC has given me a great challenge tonight. I accept. . .I'm going to be busy the next few days...

Foxglove, I NEED YOU.

KC, It's on. Stay tuned. The Challenge. To use the top 100 AFI quotes in a screenplay/Story.........